Why? I don't know

"Do the best you can until you know better.

Then when you know better, do better."

Maya Angelou

Thokozani Royals

2006 was one of the those years I experienced all things spirit, at a heightened level. Unfortunately at the time I had little knowledge and no understanding of what was going on. Not being able to fit-in, or feel part of, yet waking up everyday and being "okay", is still a mystery to me until today.

Poem: Why? I don't know

Year: 2006

Age: 16

When all I can do is cry

But all you see is a smile

I begin to think about tomorrow

When all I can be is weak

But all you expect from me is to be strong

I can only act out what I am not

When I need to be told truth

But all you're telling is lies

I can only hope it's for a while

When all I can ask for is clarity

But all I keep getting is questions

I only wonder whether I deserve it all

When all I feel like is giving up

But all you do is tell me I am stronger than that

I can only hold my tears back

When I need to be weak

But all you expect is for me to wait on you hand and foot

I can only be strong on the outside

And allow my weakness to kill me inside

WHY? I don't know

The End

Most times I felt like I had to pretend. The truth is, I was not sure who I am and what I stood for. I wasn't pretending, I was also trying to figure it out.

Sometimes in life we go on and feel like we are wearing masks daily, only to find that we were just adjusting to who we are. Alignment is a journey of many turns and mishaps. Be gentle with yourself, Badimo Child. The you you see today, is your whole truth, and if tomorrow's version of yourself is 200% different, that's okay. The saying goes, "When we know better, we do better."

Hope to see next week Thursday for another throw back in my poetry book.

Where are you today? With self and the world?

Love yourself unconditional and forgive yourself hourly. You sleep with you and you wake to you.

Lesedi 🕯🕯🕯